Century Christian Church
(Disciples of Christ)

1301 Tamarack Road, Owensboro, KY 42301, (270) 684-0286, Pastor:  Rev. Jim Westmoreland

You Can Begin Again . . .

After Betrayal

Genesis 50:15-21

delivered by Jim Westmoreland

The Bible is a story that runs through 66 books about beginning again. The theme of the Bible is, “O, but you can begin again!” It doesn’t matter what happens to you. You can start over.

Today, I want to talk about Beginning Again After You’ve Been Betrayed by someone you love, and I’m using the life of Joseph as the biblical model for us in dealing with betrayal. Genesis 50, “After Jacob died, Joseph’s brothers feared for their lives. They thought that Joseph had been waiting for the opportunity to avenge all the wrongs that they had done to him. So, they sent him a message, which said, before our father died, he requested that you forgive us for the crimes that we committed against you. So now, as your brothers, we plead for your forgiveness. When Joseph received the message, he broke down and wept. Then, his brothers came to him and bowed down at his feet and said, “We are your slaves.” But, Joseph said, “Don’t be afraid, I cannot play God and harm you. You plotted evil against me, but God used that evil to accomplish His good. Many of His people are alive today because of what you did. You have nothing to fear from me. I will take care of you and love you, and I will care for your families. And, when his brothers heard these words, their hearts melted.”

Beginning again after you’ve been betrayed. Everybody in this sanctuary this morning, if you haven’t been betrayed, been wronged, you will be. What is your earliest memory of being betrayed and lied to. Many a childhood friend grew apart, sometimes with a sudden abandonment and rejection that hurt and felt like a betrayal. Many a marriage that began with honesty, intimacy and warmth lies wounded or broken because the relationship is betrayed when one or both partners start rationalizing covenant-breaking behavior.

We read 1 Corinthians 13 at our weddings about all the things that love does and does not do, and then we grow apart because we do not practice any of the things that it describes. It is one thing to be taken advantage of by an acquaintance, but it is altogether different to be betrayed by a friend, by someone you trusted, someone you loved, a spouse, a parent, a child, a brother or sister. Those hurt the worst. And, when it happens, eventually, we have to decide whether to grieve the rest of our lives or put it behind us. How do you begin again after the great loss of betrayal.

Joseph is the biblical model. You know his story. You’ve heard it from childhood. He was the youngest of eleven sons for many years, and he was spoiled by his father who gave him a special coat that signified to the others that he was the favorite in the family. Picture the scene. His older brothers would be out working hard in the fields, and Joseph would come out in his little bright coat, and say, “You’d better look boys, cause one of these days, you’re all going to be working for me.” And, as their rage grew, they finally decided to kill him. They started out by putting him in a pit, then they took him out and sold him into slavery. And, when he got to Egypt, he was a precocious young man, and he became the head of the household of a military officer. The officer’s wife tried to commit adultery with him, and he ran away, but she said that he had tried to attack her. So, he ended up in prison. And, through a strange set of miraculous circumstances, he arose from those meager beginnings to be the Viceroy of Egypt.

Now, they had a famine in his land, and he thought all of his family was in Israel.  But they had come to Egypt looking for food because of the famine.  They were brought in to Joseph to ask for help.  And, When they saw who he was, they were relieved because he took them in. But then, Jacob, the father, died, and they thought, “Ok, this is the end for us.” And the ending is what I read to you.

Joseph is a great model for trying to begin again after you’ve been betrayed by somebody you love. First, he practiced what we call “good grief.” There are two kinds of grief. There is destructive grief, where you allow what has happened to you to make you bitter. You dwell on it. You fixate on it, you nourish that anger and resentment all of your life. And there are many people in the world who die early deaths because they have grieved in a destructive way. They get stuck in their grief. Joseph practiced good grief. It is the kind of grief that moves you forward. Instead of making you bitter, it makes you better. Joseph’s first reaction when he heard from his brothers after all these years is, “he wept.” Imagine all of the feelings that he felt. He knew how to let it out. Jesus said, Blessed are they who know how to mourn, who know how to grieve positively so that they can move from their hurts to triumph.

Good grief. We can choose to let our hurts and insults make us bitter, or we can use them to make us better. Joseph wept. He let what had been done to him make him a better person. We do have that choice! Don’t pretend you don’t! Because you do.

The second thing that Joseph did was practice miraculous mercy. There’s two kinds of mercy. There is the kind that manipulates, where you forgive somebody for what they’ve done to you, and then you remind them everyday for the rest of their lives what they’ve done and how big you are to forgive them. And that is not really forgiveness at all! Joseph practiced miraculous mercy, the kind that creates miracles, the kind that changes peoples’ lives. He said, first of all, ‘I am not God.’ And, he embraced his brothers, and I love that last little phrase in the text which says, “when they heard his words, their hearts melted.” That’s miraculous mercy. Churches, families, marriages need for us to practice miraculous mercy and not just talk about it as a distant, undoable ideal.

        Louis Smedes has a wonderful book called, Forgive and Forget, and he draws a distinction between healthy and unhealthy mercy. Smedes tells a fable, and it goes like this.

“In the village of Fakin in innermost Freezeland there lived a long, thin baker named Frederick. He was so upright that he seemed to spew righteousness from his thin, thin, lips. And, as a result, the people of the village preferred to stay away from him. Frederick’s wife, Hilda, was the opposite of Frederick. She was short and rotund, open-hearted. She seemed to invite everyone to come close to her so that they could share their cheer and warmth. Hilda respected her self-righteous husband, and she loved him too, as much as he would allow her. But her heart ached for something more than his righteousness, and, therein, lay the seed of a great sadness.

One morning after kneeding his dough, Frederick came home to find a stranger in his bed, lying on Hilda’s bosom. News of the adultery soon became the talk of the village. ‘Surely,’ everybody said, ‘Frederick would cast her out,’ so righteous was he. But, he surprised everyone by forgiving her because the good book demanded that he do so. But, in his heart of hearts, he could never forgive her for bringing shame on his righteous house. He could only pretend to forgive her. Whenever, he thought about her, he despised her as if she was a common tramp. But, his fakery did not sit well in heaven. For each time he felt his secret hatred for her, an angel would come down and drop a pebble into his heart. As the pebbles multiplied and multiplied, Frederick’s heart became so heavy that the top half of his body began to bend forward as he walked.

Finally, he wished he were dead, and he called on God to help him. The angel came back and informed him that he would be saved only by the miracle of the magic eyes. He would have to look back to the beginning of his hurt and see Hilda, not as a wicked person, but as a weak person who needed him. ‘And, how do I get the miracle of the magic eyes,’ he asked the angel. And the angel said, “Only ask, desiring as you ask, and you will receive them. And, every time you see Hilda with your new eyes, a pebble will be lifted from your heart.” At first, Frederick couldn’t ask for the magic eyes because he had grown to love his hatred too much. But, finally his heavy heart drove him to ask, and, each time, his heart grew lighter. Soon, Hilda began to change before his very eyes–wonderfully and mysteriously. He now saw her as a woman who loved him instead of as a traitor. Now, he walked a little straighter, and his lips even began to look a little fuller. He invited Hilda back into his heart again. And, together, they began again a journey into their second season of humble joy.”

This is a powerful story because it shows the difference between false forgiveness, manipulating mercy, and the kind that changes people’s lives. You can begin again after you have been betrayed. You can begin again if you practice miraculous mercy.

The third thing that Joseph did was to practice healthy hope. There are two kinds of hope. There is a negative kind of hope where we think we can fix every thing that has been been done to us. We can avenge evil with evil. We can use evil to get rid of evil. And that just multiplies and proliferates evil. That’s unhealthy hope thinking, ‘OK, it is my job to change the world and to change people and avenge what has been done.’

Or, you can practice healthy hope and, again, Joseph is a grand example of hoping in a healthy way. He says to his brothers and says, “What you did to me, you plotted evil. You plotted evil against me. But, God used your evil to plot his goodness.” Unhealthy hope is thinking we can right all of the wrongs. Healthy hope is trying to look at our hurt in a larger context, in a bigger picture of things.

Healthy hope. You can begin again if you learn to hope in a healthy way, which is to see God’s hand in what it going on. It doesn’t say ‘All things work together for good for them who love God.’ It says, ‘God is in all things working His good.’ And, when you look at it that way, you can look at hope in a healthy way.

Gerald Mann tells about his conversation with a friend as he struggled through the grief experience over the death of Lois, his wife of 42 years. His friend asked him, “What questions are you asking God in the aftermath of Lois’ death?” And Dr. Mann said, “I’m no longer asking God, ‘Why did you do this to me?’ I’m asking “What can this mean for me? Why have I been given this, not as a protest, but as a chore to do?” And his friend said, “Gerald, my friend. You are beginning to get well.”

Don’t ask, “Why me, God?” But ask, “Why have I been given this?” That’s what Joseph did. I imagine he lay awake nights in that prison, thinking, ‘God, You’ve laid your hand on me. Why have I been given prison and the betrayal by the people I love? Why have I been given this?’ And, he began to look from that perspective, and he as able to forgive his brothers, and to save many people because he began to ask the big question.

You can begin again after you have been betrayed by practicing good grief, by practicing miraculous mercy, by practicing healthy hope, by trying to find why we have been given this, and what is our chore to deal with it.

All of this ‘how to’ talk about dealing with betraying is meaningless unless you have had a spiritual awakening, unless you know God in a personal way. Is God your Lord and Savior? Unless He is, then none of this makes much sense. Remember, God has no grandchildren. You must know God in a personal way for yourself. I encourage all of you who have been betrayed and are angry to think about what I’ve said today. Most of all, I hope, that you will get together somewhere by yourself before this week is out and say, Jesus Christ, I want to know you personally or I want to know you more deeply. Without a spiritual awakening, we don’t have the power to grieve in a good way, to practice healthy hope and to give miraculous mercy. So, my hope for you is that you would come to know Him in a personal way.

Join with me as we pray. Father, you can move in the hearts of every person here today. You can touch lives beyond these walls. Help us to be still and to open our hearts so that, when you knock, the door will be open. In Christ name, Amen.

Century Christian Church, November 11, 2007 - Sermon delivered by Jim Westmoreland

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This sermon series is based on a series by Dr. Gerald R. Mann, now retired, who was pastor of the Riverbend Church of Austin, Texas.  I have borrowed freely from that material.